The good news: I am drinking a Sparks®, at work, that cost me 50¢.
The bad news: I had to go to 7 different gas stations in Bezz'muh to find a sufficiant supply of the goodness due to the ghetto loving the Sparks® far too much and in that search I almost had a head on collision with someone going the wrong way on the Superhighway.
Run on sentances FUCKING rule. So does Temple Of The Dawg.
Sparks fueled idea. Who thinks it would be a wonderful idea for me to stop bathing or wearing very clean clothes to work? This was I might get fired for being unhygienic and if they do this, I will sue them for not firing Large Lady and then we'll all be rich.
Welcome to the last Sparks Work Day Challenge of 2K5 ever!
JB an dI started at lunch. Over salad and wedges, we sipped and chatted. After finishing, he sat down to mess with his iPod and took to reading Punk Planet. I knew the Sparks was on as I begin to bitch about their totally biased journalism regarding their short article on women who were "forced" to buy their birth control off of Craigs List because they were too lazy to go to the gynecologist for their yearly check up - I mean rising health care costs. They were bitching about the expense of prescripting drugs, while lamenting that birtch control was a controlled substance while also stating that some women were able to sell theirs because their doctors had surmised that their prescription had adverse affects on their health. DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THE INANITY OF THIS AND SENSE MY SPARKS FUELED RAGE?????
It doesn't matter. JB and I are 2, count em, 2 Sparks in and intend to beat 3 into submission before it's over.
We stopped at the store on Highland where I bought us another 6er. I also bought JB a little treat - a bumper sticker that said "Patriotic Pride" or something like that. I was almost embarrassed to buy it from the Muslim man. but we have shared jokes before. See below, which is a conversation between us close to Christmas while Dumptruck and I were in the store buying nudey lighters for DAD and more Sparks:
Muslim Man: Do you know what Bill Clinton wants for Christmas/ Me: What? MM: Monica Lewinsky! (Hearty Laughter) Me: (ignoring fact that joke is about 6 years out of date) HAHAHAHHAHAHA! MM: And do you know what George Bush want? Me: No. What? MM: IRAQ! (Hearty Laughter) Me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHABHAHABHABHABHAHAHAHSVHDVHV! MM: You know, 'I want some more oil!' HAHAHHAHAHAHAH! Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAIhaduqWGRYUWGEFGWGFGFIWGF!
1. 1 Sparks at lunch and a 2nd to sip while at desk?? (this is my plan of attack to prolong the inevitable crash) -I had one Sparks while eating my sandwich and so forth, and then had another later. I didn't want to slam them all down so I sipped...like a LADY.
2. How is Sparks when sipped from a cup and not a can? Did you use a straw? Ice? Did your Sparks get hot? -My Sparks was consumed from a styrophone cup, through a straw, with and without ice...I liked all these options. I love straws.
3. How did you function while Sparking? Did you take any calls? Have to deal with any emergencies? -Umm, my job is to take calls, so yes and I was quite cheerful and foaming at the mouth. I think I handled myself pretty darn well.
4. Did you spill anything? -I spilled some Sparks while trying to refill in Ram's car...my bad!
5. Did you mistakenly reveal to anyone that you were Sparking? -Uh...NO. Never. Maybe to myself every once in a while. you know, keep meself in chex.
6. Did you look at the *sexy* vampire site? -Man, I have no idea what you are talking about...Halloween porn?
7. How many times did you pee? -I pee'd all dang day long, it felt good
8. Did you find that you actually worked more efficiently while Sparking? -hell yeah, nothing bothered me at all, mainly because I didn't know what was going on, AND... the day went by so fast, two thumbs up for that
Holy Jeebus Jaybels just snick up while I was reading blogs and reached behind me and grabbed my Sparks on ice. The thing is, I in on way noticed that he had walked up behind me and I nearly peed my pants, I was that scared. For some reason I thought someone had picked up on my wheeszy laughter and decided to sniff my cup.
Holy Crap! My heart is racing from a combination of fear, relief and energy drinks with 6% alcohol!
Sparks 2k5 Challengee Log 7; Final Log: |4:00- WOW!!! This day went by super quick, which was siuper awesome. I am plesently crashgin right now. Mellow, happy, sleepy, et al. There's no more Sparks® to consume, but I am not sad.
Here's a final, yet awesome, essay from Office Partner: "Ah.... Sparks work day 2k5 has come to a close.... Well, at least the consumption part of it. A moment of reflection is in order (or so I'm being threatened!). The start of today was nothing out of the ordinary, and then I remembered that SWD2K5 was upon me. Being a first time Sparker I was completely unprepared nor conditioned. I have now taken part in two (double up! Uh uh!) Sparks frothy beverages and I am a believer in the truth. Sparks is a breath of fresh air for the beer/malt beverage world. Getto fabulous... maybe, but damn good! The buzz is great if not a little short. I'm starting to crave a nap! Damn it! More Sparks please!
Because the coworkers BFF won't give me a freaking break! I'm writing yet a second paragraph.
The most amusing part of today was watching said coworker deal with "the others". Whilst trying to keep up with her ongoing email barrage she was bombarded by office genius on two occasions. The heat was on and you could see it. I think he's onto her!
The Sparks day was successful. I think I'll take a nap now."
In closing, I will quote Ice Cube: I gotta say it was a good day. Here's to a good weekend!
parks 2k5 Challengee Log 6; 2:33 pm: I just dumped a small cup of crushed ice into my Sparks® cup, per Ram's encouragement due to the fact she claims iced Sparks is da'bomb. The Sparks® then fizzewd up, ap[pearing to be embracing a long lost love.
Please advise if anyone else is having the hot flashes. Though I appreciate CD that Jaybels brought specifically at my request, I think I need something a little more danc-a-licious in order to stop heat flashes.
Leading to several matters of grave importance:
1. What music soothes Sparks, rather than angers him? 2. What music are you listening to?
Also - Both Ram and DJ and Dumptruck and her Office Partner (henceforth, Test Subject OP) need to advise if the SC2K% is more pleasant when one has a partner.
Having only been introduced to the "Sparks" today (what a glorious way to spend an afternoon in the office!), I find that Sparks is fruity/tarty not unlike many wine coolers I've tried in the past. This however, is a poor comparison because Sparks does oh so much more! It's like I could run a marathon in my head! I've finished off the first can and I'm looking at part duex of the Sparky Friday. It's pointing back and laughing. Oh bring on round two already!!!!
Note- Sparks® part deuce has been crack all around! Also, I have peed twice and about to go smoke for the second time in the p[ast hour. AWESOME WORK DAY. Two Kay Five!
Sparks 2k5 Challengee Log 4: 1:48pm: Sweating & shakes commence! I also just went to pee and almost got into scuffle wirth toilet paper holder. Sparks® can number deuce has not yet been popped due to the fact Ethel needs proper time to catch up. Aslo, I have demanded Office Partner to write a 1 pargraph essay on his first time Sparks® experience.
I, Ethel, have much to tell you. Mt tale is one of bold adventure, beautiful women and delicious liquids.
To begin, I was unable to begin my Sparks intake at the witching hour of due to circumstance beyond my control. That’s not important to our story. What you need to acknowledge is the heart of the story, the glory of the moment.
At approximately 1300 hours I raced my SUV into a parking spot in the nearly deserted Store on Highland. I raced in and was only momentarily distracted by the Soap Opera on their overhead TV and before I had even reached the back cooler, the glint of the silver and orange can had caught my eye as it reflected the life-giving light of the sun.
I knew before I got there: yes, I was going to get the six-pack. What mere mortal was I to attempt to break up that happy sextuplet family from their plastic-ringed fold? Not such a cruel one! I lovingly removed them from their refrigerated perch and crooned to them of their coming sainthood in the pages of history.
The ride to work was exhilarating and nerve-racked. I rolled down the windows to let the breeze play across my sweating brow and in the dark plastic bag hiding my Sparks from the view of prying eyes. In the parking lot I faced my first obstacle: how many cans of Sparks would I bring in with me? Clearly one would not be enough, but where could I keep a second?
Regardless of the problems of math and geography, I shoved two chilled cans in my bag and rushed to the elevator. At my desk many emails awaited me. Messages from my compatriots poured in and told of the magnitude of their Sparks intake, of the wonder opening before their eyes.
I was frantic. I needed to join them, but didn’t have the freedom to expose my Sparks to the Work World. Salvation works in mysterious ways. I procured a plastic cup with a lid from the break room. It was designed to hold hot coffee, but today this noble dish was chosen to be the bearer of my Sparks.
I came back to my desk, prepared to be bold and call mighty forces to my aid. I begged Zeus for privacy as I hid one can of Sparks in my filing cabinet behind a purple folder. I was nearly apprehended by nosey fellow employee looking for one of my bosses, but I managed to act as though I was searching for important information while answering co-worker’s question. Clearly the carpeted halls were working against me.
I planned a hasty retreat to the women’s restroom but found an “Out Of Order” sign taped to the door. Silently, I cursed and walked to the elevator to visit the first floor toilets. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as we formerly shared this building with a certain bank that only today re-opened its door under a new name, but not in this building.
The bathroom was welcomely empty and cool and smelled strongly of air freshener. I entered the handicapped stall and quickly popped the top. As I poured the Sparks into the cup, I stared transfixed into its abnormally colored foam and saw a happy future of energized relaxation. The mysteries of the Sparks spoke to me. “I am a god,” sang Sparks through the crackle, “I can be your god if you will let me. Your yellowed tongue will shine like a beacon to the uninitiated. Come,” Sparks spoke to me. “Come unto me and know that I am the Good Shepherd. I will make your work days bright.”
The entire can would not fit in the cup, so I guzzled the last fourth done in one drink. I emerged from the toilet shaky with adrenaline and elated with hope – hope for a world where the one Sparks can rule them all.
Sparks 2k5 Challengee Log 3: 1:11 pm: Since we are consumijg alcohol whilst in the workplace, we felt it necessaru to "hide" the Sparks in lidded cups. Please note, drinking Sparks® tthrough at straw makes you drink it WAY faster. I am currently 3/4ths of the way though it since last post. Side effect- REALLY fast typing. Considering I only use approximately 3 fingers when typing, this leads to those 3 fingers gflying all over the place. Almost like each off the keys on the keyboard had tiny pricking pins on them....also, covered in vasoline. To futher demonstrate to you viewerrs, I have decided to not go back & erase & edit my tyupoing inability, lLike I usuall (compulsively) do to allow you to witness the absurdity of it all.
More later. And by more, I mean Sparks® #2 because during the typing of this log I don did finish the remaining 1/4th. Swet Zeus!
Office Partner & I went out on our search. We were cock blocked various times: First, it was by a gaggle of 18-wheelers in our industrial park. Second, by the Shell station we went to. Why can't EVERYONE sell this delicious glory?! Third, en route to next gas station, it was by the world's slowest and longest train ever. Fourth, was by a Buick.
FINALLY- we get to a BP and purchase four (4) Sparks®; 2 for each of us. We laugh to ourselves noting how neither of us were carded merely because the toofless cashier did not know we were purchasing alcohol.
Fifth, en route back to office, ANOTHER train?! Yes, we knew it was the Jesus trying to infiltrate upon our SWC2k5® until we notice said train is only hauling one car, thus, a gift from Zeus. We creep back into our building, undetected, with our babies inside black plastic bags. All the while, we continue chuckling.
And here we are now. At our desks with our shared office permeated with the scent of the sweet Sparks®.
Please note: Upon first sip of beverage, I demanded to know if Office Partner liked it. His response? "No...I love it!"
Sparks 2k5 Challengee Log: 12:11 pm: Getting stuff together to leave office and go on Sparks® hunt. Should not be difficult, as I work in Bezz'muh. Please note, Office Partner also accepts Sparks® Workday 2k5 Challenge, thus will be joining on the adventure. More to report upon arrival back into office. May Zeus be with you all.